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Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

This
is supposedly an actual question on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure
of enjoying it.

Bonus Question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?"

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when
it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will
not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member
of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to
more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell
to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell
to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then
the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Amy Johnson during my Freshman year
that, ‘it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus
I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this
theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct…leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence
of a divine being which explains why, last night, Amy Johnson kept shouting ‘Oh my
God.’"

This student received the only "A".

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