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Things people actually said in court

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters
who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking
place.

 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
 WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
 ______________________________

 ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
 WITNESS: July 18th.
 ATTORNEY: Which year?
 WITNESS: Every year.
 _____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
 WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
 WITNESS: Yes.

 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 WITNESS: I forget.
 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
 _____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

 WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
 ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
 WITNESS: Forty-five years.
 _____________________________________

 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

 morning?
 WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
 ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
 WITNESS: My name is Susan
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
 WITNESS: We both do.
 ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
 WITNESS: We do.
 ATTORNEY: You do?
 WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

 ______________________________________
 
 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
 ___________________________________

 ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
 WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one..
 ________________________________________
 
 ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
 WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

 ______________________________________

 ATT ORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
 WITNESS: Uh….

 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
 WITNESS: Yes.
 ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
 WITNESS: None.

 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
 WITNESS: By death.
 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
 WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

 WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
 WITNESS: Oral.
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
 ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
 WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
on him!
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
 WITNESS: Huh?
 ______________________________________

 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?

 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
 WITNESS: No.
 ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the pati ent was alive when you began
the autopsy?

 WITNESS: No
 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
 ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
 WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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