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Merry Christmas…

I
wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends, but it is


so
difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone.

So I met with my barrister yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, expressed or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally
conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration
of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious
persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular
persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious
or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated
recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without
due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society
have helped make our country great (not to imply that Great Britain is necessarily
greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age,
physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms:

  1. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal at any
    time by the wisher.
  2. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original
    greeting.
  3. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any
    of the wishes for him/her or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable
    at the sole discretion of the wisher.
  4. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual
    application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent
    holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
  5. This warranty is limited to the replacement of this wish or issuance
    of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.



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